The Thing that Psychopaths Know that You Don’t…
… Unless you are a psychopath.
Look… I don’t know who all of my readers are.
This week I have been thinking a lot about predators. Ok… I will be honest, I have watched a few murder shows with predators and might have had a couple of nightmares about them.
Predator: pred·a·tor | \ ˈpre-də-tər , -ˌtȯr \
an organism that primarily obtains food by the killing and consuming of other organisms : an organism that lives by predation
one who injures or exploits others for personal gain or profit
Definition 1, uhm… super horrific in the context of humanity, so for this week, I’m going to pretend that doesn’t exist. Definition 2— this is the one I want to dig into. Picture this:
You are minding your own business heading into work. You are waiting for a shuttle in a parking lot just after 5am. You arrive at 5:00am and that gives you a couple of minutes to listen to the last bit of a podcast… Crime Junkie… obviously. Seems pretty innocuous. You close your eyes for just a minute to really listen closely and your car door opens and a large man forces you into your passenger seat and takes control of your car. And that is the last time you are seen alive.
This really happened to a victim in Nevada (ok, I made up the part about Crime Junkie). But, get this: the assailant had dug a hole for her body weeks before the kidnapping happened. And, by “dug,” I mean he got an EXCAVATOR with intention that whomever she is will not be found. There is a CCTV video of him standing near the front of the building. He sees her pull up and then walks seemingly in the opposite direction of her vehicle (as if he is walking away). Then. He. Loops. Back. He opens her driver door, takes control of her car and she is never seen alive again.
Holy toledo. That is super scary. First of all, lock your doors. Second, be on alert if you have to be alone in your vehicle before work every day. Third, if you get a gut feeling that something is wrong, please leave. Get the police involved. Do NOT disregard that instinct. It is there to protect you.
So, for the reason I brought you all here… what is it that psychopaths know, that you don’t? The skillset they have that makes people feel comfortable is the same (usually benign) skillset that salespeople use: Influence. If you have ever read Robert Cialdini’s book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, this will be highly familiar. Psychology today points to these traits:
Authority- if someone has credentials and speaks confidently, we often believe they are correct without verification. If someone with a badge tries to obligate you to do something, verify who they are.
Reciprocity- psychopaths will often give gifts or do favors to get us to want to “return the favor” and to throw us off their scent, until we are past the point of no return.
Liking- we often say yes or do things for people that we have things in common with or similar identities. This trait got me. Key take away: if you don’t know someone, they don’t get to be alone with you in a low traffic area. For any reason. If someone asks you where you went to school and you tell them and then they say “oh, no way, me too,” that doesn’t make them “safe.” If someone says they were a scout, and you were too, they can still have bad intentions towards you.
Scarcity- predators often use items with a limited time availability or short supply as a hook, like a desirable item or service (need a ride? No… not from you, stranger).
Social Proof- when we are feeling uncertain, clear instructions or a majority preference can get us in a situation we wouldn’t normally choose.
Commitment and consistency- we like to prove we are people of our word and that we stand by our value system and are who we say we are, so sometimes predators will get us to give an initial smaller agreement to get us to agree to a bigger, badder one. Once we are in, even if the stakes get much higher, we will continue to do what we are asked or told. Predators will hide their dark side until they have us in a position where we can’t get out of it easily.
Phew… that was eye opening. If you would like to read the Psychology Today article, it is here. Stay safe out there, y’all and don’t trust people that you don’t genuinely know.
